Me: “oh shit I gained a lot of weight”
Me: “what should I do to calm myself down?”
Me: …
Me: …
Me: *binges*
You don’t know how exhausting and painful it is to have had an eating disorder for 7 years and have not got anywhere. Started 115 ish, lowest ive been is 109 and highest 122. It never changes. Nothing ever changes. Do you know how fucking exhausting that is.
Me: “oh shit I gained a lot of weight”
Me: “what should I do to calm myself down?”
Me: …
Me: …
Me: *binges*
Me: *googling low calorie recipes*
Me: WTF!!!! 400 CALORIES? LOW CALORIE???!?!?
Me: *remembers on average people should get 2000 calories a day* oh right.
couldn’t be more accurate thanks
✨
so me.
*weight isn’t budging*
Me to me: it’s ok I’ve just hit a plateau.
Me to me: no you’re just not trying hard enough. Fatty.
Me: I want to recover and never count calories again!
Also me: I want to starve until I look dead!
Also me: I want to eat everything i am capable of shoving down my throat!
being crazy is hard
Going to the gym is amazing because everyone is so proud of me and boosting me and stuff
Like yes encourage my anorexia, please, it’s motivating me so much thankyou
You know what I am starting to really hate?
When I make low cal meals. Like I know they may not look good or it may consist of just veg, but for me it tastes good and makes me happy cause it’s low calories and its still somewhat cooking.
But then people go all like “that looks so gross” or “wheres the meat?” or “You always eat so healthily aha”
Like just stop
Please stop
You’re triggering me further. By saying it looks gross, you make me feel like I can’t even eat this low cal meal.
By asking where the meat is or bringing attention to the healthiness, you’re bringing attention to my eating disorder.
Please just stop..
Calorie counter: Time to count!
Me: Ha! THERE’S NOTHING TO COUNT
Me at 5 pm after a binge: THERE’S TOO MUCH TO COUNT *distressed screech*
Don’t fucking tell me it’s a coincidence that the more weight I lose
The more compliments I get
The cuter clothes I wear
The happier I am
The more friends I have
The more guys look at me
The clearer skin I have
The nicer my sister is to me.
Or maybe life is just better when you’re t h i n
